Song Credits:
- Original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv8oCf2ER2I
- Off-vocal, background, etc.: https://pepoyo-ppy.fanbox.cc/posts/2627538
- Vocaloid project file: https://www.vsqx.top/project/vn7033
- Translation: https://releska.com/2022/04/11/plus-minus/
Resource Credits:
- Vocaloid -> SynthV format conversion: https://sdercolin.github.io/utaformatix3/
- Vocal synthesis software: https://dreamtonics.com/synthesizerv/
- Voicebank: Kasane Teto AI (Lite)
- Mixing and adjustments: https://www.audacityteam.org/
- Subtitling: https://aegisub.org/
- Art: https://www.clipstudio.net/en/
- Video editing: https://www.shotcut.org/
- Video editing2: https://ffmpeg.org/
- Midi editing: http://www.midieditor.org/
Lyrics:
socha tha ki koi na koi to raasta hoga jiitne ka
kamre meN akele hi baDa afsos karta raha
aasmaan ki saer karuN, hamesha tak uDta rahuN[1]
kaash kabhi na chhuN miTTi, aesa huma maeN banjaauN
ek qadam aage baDhne paer uThaana chaahta huN
doosri taraf maeN baar baar ghaseeTa jaa raha huN
rassioN se baandha gaya, hilne nahi ho raha
be inteha ye imtehaan pe ek baDa anDa mila[2]
bhavishya na aage aaya itihaas ko dekh ke[3]
uupar niiche hote gaya jhuule ka ye khel meN
haalat kabhi acchhi kabhi buri, huN maeN pareshaan
paer maere itna kaaNp rahe ki maeN bhaag ke bach bhi nahi sakta
had maere paar na hojaaye is se pehle ki
jo bhi mehsuus ho raha, miTa duN
kuch na lage, aor kuch bhi na samjhe
aese to maze meN rahuN!
KHushi aor GHam donoN baar baar sata rahe heN
waaqi ye kitne mehnati haeN!
chaahe kitna bhi waqt na guzre
aage ko bhi, piichhe ko bhi jaa na sakta maeN![4]
kal meN, aor aaj meN, koi farq na raha
phasa huN maeN, aTka huN, aor aese hi rehta gaya
hae nahi jawaab koi, to bhi usi pe puura dhyaan
answer sheet jo KHaali chhed se bhar unhe phekta gaya[5]
subha meN bhi, shaam meN bhi, haebat se maeN kaaNp raha
dekha to badan ye maera, hilne nahi ho raha
Dulte hi reh gaye bechaeni ki samundar meN
aor intezaar bas itna ki aaKHir KHatam kab aa jaaye
sar ke andar battery ulTe lage huwe haeN[6]
bheja fry hogaya hae, phuT ke ras nikalta hae
positive KHayaaloN meN, negative ions bhare
behtar tha ki kuch na jaanuN, ab to pachtaake bhi kya faayda[7]
bilkul bhi jawaab nahi mil raha
bekaar ki mehnateN lagaate huwe bhi
pata hi hae ki kya natiija aayega
sab ka sab naakaamyaabi!
kya bakwaas ka mujrim huN maeN[8]
kitni bekaar aor fuzuul hae zindagi
zero into kuchh bhi karlo, kya jawaab milega?
seedha sa hisaab hae, kuchh bhi to nahiN!
jo hogaya so hogaya, ab kuchh nahi hoga[9]
sudhaar na sakunga wo GHaltiyoN ko
zindagi bhar maeN ne gunaah jitne kiye haeN
bhoNkte hae chhuri se mujhko[10]
dil o dimaaGH ke zaKHm agar miTenge
badan ko zaKHmi kardene se,
to sab kuch zero kardena chaahunga
maafi maangta huN ye kehne!
maayuusi jo puure dil ko lapeTa hae,
KHushi jo haath meN nahi aati kyuN,[11]
bezaar ho ke behosh hi agar paDhna hae
to kyuN na phir KHatam hi kar duN?
zindagi ka aaKHri choTa sa ye kamre ko
qabar banaadiya, phaaNsi pe chaDha[12]
aage piichhe karne se kuchh nahi hoga to[13]
puura ka puura samasya hi miTa deke
chaen se, sukuun se hamesha rahunga!
(For more general info on phonetics, transliteration, translation, etc. please see the
notes attached to my Bad Apple cover.)
Transliteration notes:
t th d dh = त थ द ध = دھ د تھ ت (respectively) (Urdu is left-to-right here)
T Th D Dh = ट ठ ड ढ = ڈھ ڈ ٹھ ٹ
kh KH = ख ख़ = خ کھ
gh GH = घ ग़ = غ گھ
q = क़ = ق
N = anusvaara/chandrabindu/nuun-e-GHunna
(I left English loanwords in their original spelling, rather than respell them in my transliteration convention according to how they are adapted to native phonology)
Translation notes:
[1]The original sentence here is hard to parse and doesn't make sense to me - I have a feeling the translation is simplifying it a bit, and I'll take it.
I've made a reference here to the 'huma' bird of Persian and Central Asian folklore that sometimes shows up in shaayri. Basically, it's an auspicious bird that is always aloft, never lands, and symbolises prosperity.
[2]It's more common to just say 'exam' rather than 'imtehaan', but I really liked the sound of 'be inteha imtehaan' for 'endless test'.
'anDa' literally means 'egg'. It's a common colloquial way to refer to a zero on a test.
[3]I actually couldn't think of a (commonly used) word for 'past' in the sense of one's personal history, so I changed this line quite a bit (while keeping the idea of your past dooming your future).
I think I like my version too, though. It's somewhat poetic to say that the future itself couldn't 'come forth'.
[4]There's a few different synonyms being used for proceed/step forth/etc. I'm finding it a little difficult to translate these while maintaining the rhythm, so I've taken some liberties with omitting some and stretching other lines.
This is also the case with some lines where the original uses a lot of words and syllables without conveying a whole lot of meaning, so I have to make some creative repetitions.
[5]Inadvertent pun! 'KHaali chhed' can either mean 'empty hole' or 'full of holes and nothing else'. The original wording corresponds to the former, but the latter also fits and adds flavour to the meaning.
I actually think this line is pretty awkwardly worded overall, but couldn't come up with something better no matter how hard I tried. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
[6]Releska's translation puts the fluid leaking first and then the explosion. I reversed this to fit the stress pattern better. I'm not entirely sure on how to interpret the original here but it's probably not a big difference.
Also, their translation calls it 'battery fluid'. Which makes sense, but this isn't explicitly stated in the original, so I changed that to 'juice' in my translation - hopefully wide enough to cover both battery acid and brain fluid, without sounding too technical.
[7]I'm surprised I can't think of how to properly translate 'it's too late for regrets'. The best I could come up with was 'there's no point regretting now'.
[8]I still have no idea what the significance of a criminal record is here, or why it's described as trivial/laughable. I don't know how to translate this, but gotta go with something.
[9]Again, since I couldn't translate 'past' very well, I changed the sentence a bit.
These lines were translated by Releska as full sentences, which sounds natural in English. But looking at the original, I think they're meant to be noun phrases. For the former pair the above-mentioned difficulty came up, but for the latter pair I've tried to keep that structure. ('Despair seems to cover my heart.' vs 'the despair that seems to cover my heart')
[10]In Releska's translation, your mistakes are the ones piercing you. But the original uses the reflexive pronoun 'jibun', which makes it seem like you're stabbing yourself. I wish I could use this interpretation, but couldn't translate it nicely to fit the line.
[11]This was supposed to be 'KHushi jo haath meN nahi aa rahi'. But this sounded jarring with how it didn't rhyme with the next-to-next line, so I had to break parity with its previous line and change its structure. Regrettable.
[12]'shinibasho' is 'place where you die', not 'place where you are buried' as I translated it. It's a pretty significant difference, but doing it accurately would take too many syllables and/or sound awkward, so this is what I ended up with.
[13]As an English medium student I unfortunately don't know what addition and subtraction are usually referred to in Hindi-medium types, so I modified this line.
'aage piichhe' means 'back and forth', but is often used in the sense of shuffling things around to adjust and make things fit. I think that conveys the meaning fair enough.
Literal re-translation:
I thought there must be some or the other way to win
alone in my room, I kept grieving greatly
to soar the skies, to fly forever,
oh, to never touch the soil, if only I were such a martlet
I want to lift my foot to take a step forward
I keep getting dragged in the other direction
tied up with ropes, I cannot move
on this endless test, I got a big fat zero
the future shied away from coming forth, upon looking at history
the weight could not balance out on this seesaw game
my condition keeps going up and down, troubling me
my feet are trembling so much that I can not even run away and save myself
before my limits are crossed
whatever I experience, to erase it
to not feel anything, and to not think anything
oh, how I would enjoy that so!
happiness and sadness both keep bothering me
indeed, how diligent of them!
no matter how much time passes
I cannot go forward, nor backward!
between yesterday and today, there is no difference
I'm trapped, I'm stuck, and I just continued being like that
there is no answer, and yet on it is all my focus
I kept throwing away answer sheets filled with empty holes
morning and evening, I tremble in terror
when I look at this body of mine, I find I can't move
I kept drifting and wavering in this sea of unease,
waiting only for the time all this would finally end
the batteries in my head are fitted the wrong way around
my brain is fried, it explodes and juice leaks out
negative ions fill positive thoughts
it was better that I did not know anything, now there's no point in regretting and rueing
I just cannot find the answer
despite all the useless efforts I put in
of course, we already know what the outcome is going to be
all of it, all of it, a failure
what a ridiculous criminal I am
how lousy and pointless life is
try doing zero times anything, what do you get?
a simple calculation, it's nothing at all!
what's done is done, nothing can be done now
I cannot ameliorate those mistakes I made
all the sins I've committed throughout my life
they stab me with a knife
if the scars on my heart and mind will fade
by making my body wounded,
then I want to turn everything to zero
forgive me for saying this!
despair that is wrapped around my heart
and happiness that I cannot get a hold of - why?
if I'm going to get sick of it and faint anyways,
then why not end it all?
this small room at the end of my life
I made it my grave, and got myself on a noose
if making it more or less isn't going to make any difference, then
I'll erase the whole problem itself
and remain at peace forever